Hope y’all had a great weekend! This post is a little different than what I usually write. I’m sure y’all have seen some write about their love stories, so I’m here today to share my own not quite yet love story with y’all. I hope that whether you’re single, dating, married, and/or never used a dating app before that you can still relate or know someone who can. My family & friends who are not currently living the single life always find the dating world interesting these days, especially when it comes to dating apps. SO I figured what the hay? I’ll share my experiences, trials & tribulations, and how it all got me to where I am now, which is finally in a great spot, b-tee-dubs.
Before you continue reading, here’s some quick vocab for ya:
Hinge: Becoming more of a thing. No swiping left or right – more like your typical Instagram-type scroll. It is a little more intense these days than Bumble. You can pick questions to answer and then you like each other’s photos/comments and that’s how you connect.
Bumble: A left or right swipe. Left is ‘later skater’ and right is ‘hey boy hey’. Biggest difference between Bumble & Hinge is that on Bumble – the ladies have to talk first. So if you get a match, it’s up to the girl to make the first move!
Since my post college days in Nashville (circa 2012-2013), I have been on and off dating apps. Tinder (which was short lived) because idk about y’all, but it was just one that didn’t work for me. I remember some of my friends and I went on a trip to this lake in Kentucky and on the way there I pulled up Tinder to just show them what it was about, etc. and it knew the location of the guys as we were driving through different towns – this FREAKED me out. I was like okay no. I don’t want to know where ol’ Kev lives and I sure as heck don’t want him to know where I am. Immediately I shut down that account, deleted the app, had a little panic sesh, and then I was okay. Even though now, on Bumble, it tells you an estimated mileage location of the other person, idk why but now it doesn’t freak me out QUITE as much, but I guess it was just because it was SO foreign to me at first that people knew my whereabouts and now that it’s more common, I guess I’m more okay with it? I’ll get back to y’all with my official verdict.
Okay so fast forward a few months and this is when I think I discovered Hinge. I honestly can’t remember if I got on Hinge or Bumble first, but that’s really a mute point for now. I don’t think I went on one dating app date while I lived in Nashville; however that all changed when I moved to Charlotte. I’m thinking, okay this is going to be great! New city, new people, yes. Well that was the case to some extent. Just like anything else in life there will always be good & bad. At first, I would dreaddddd going on first dates. Like I would want to cancel and honestly, my first few, I did. I let my anxiety get the best out of me and I chickened out. BUT like another lesson we all know is that practice makes perfect. Am I perfect at dating now 4 years later? Heck no. I don’t think you can perfect dating unless you are like living the most ballin’ bach life on earth, but I would say the dates have gotten easier in the sense that I actually go through with most of them.
So turns out, going on a couple dates can lead to dating, which is typically the goal for dating apps, hence their description; however, not all guys seem to see them that way, which is fine. Like YDY, but I personally don’t utilize the apps to just shoot the ish. I don’t have time for that and like Demi Lovato says, Sorry I’m Not Sorry. Some you end up dating and maybe wish you wouldn’t have, but personally, these bad seeds were all lessons to me and helped to get me where I am today. Let me give y’all a couple examples/insight into my dating experiences from dating apps:
Some One Hit Wonders
Baby you can drive my car. Oh. You want me to drive to come pick you up on our first date? Okay. No.
Turn down for what. When I say I have an early morning, but I’ll go out for A drink. I end up having two in the time that you end up having five. Yikes.
I’ve waited so long to hear you say that, but if I’m going to be a successful personal stylist by the time I’m 30, I need someone who isn’t such a complete bonehead. When there is just zero follow through, you’ll start to channel your inner Reese.
I know it may sound like I’m this bitter single woman, but I really am not. Honestly for the first time, I think ever, I am okay with my relationship status. I wanted to share my story to show you that just because you may feel alone doesn’t mean that you are. If you are out there and you’re single & in your mid to upper 20s or really any age, I am here to tell you that just because you are single, it’s not the end of the world. A relationship status doesn’t define you. You define yourself. And just like I don’t want to waste my time on guys like the ones I mentioned above, you don’t have to either. I finally feel like I am at a place in my life where things make sense. I know that sounds so Tom Hanks & Meg Ryan-type-movieish, but it’s how I feel. I feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing and the settling down life will come when it’s supposed to. Having this peace of mind feels so great. Does this mean that I am closed off to dating and/or dating apps? No. I still make time to go on dates when I want. I mean that would just be crazy if I didn’t. I just have my priorities in line (most days, ha), but we all need a break sometimes from the hustling work day-to-day life so it is honestly nice to be wined & dined from time to time.
Y’all would probably LOL at some of the guys’ profiles on these dating apps. I’m not trying to be mean and make fun, I’m sure some look at mine and are like what’s going on with this chick? BUT. Some profiles are GOLD and others you’re like OKAY who are you? What’s happening? So with that I have some advice for the guys – if any are reading – if not, ladies feel free to share some pointers with the males in your family (especially if they using dating apps).
ONE – Why do you put girls in your pictures?? Your mom or precious grandmother is one thing. That is cute and sweet. But Crop Top Casey is not making your odds that great with me.
TWO – Cut it out with the selfie pics. One is fine. I will not ‘left’ you with one. We all do it, I get it, but more than one is just..SMH. Be more original guys.
THREE – What’s with the group pics? We don’t know which one you are!
FOUR – Enough with the gym pictures. I’m not your competition.
FIVE – Cute kids and/or dogs in your pic? Need to know if they’re yours.
Ladies – it’s your turn – here is my advice to you if you are new to the dating app world and/or currently in it, but need a little inspo.
ONE – You never know until you try. If you’re nervous about putting yourself out there. Don’t be. You deserve to have some fun and be wined & dined.
TWO – Trust your gut. If a guy is giving you a weird feeling or saying things that make you feel uncomfortable, especially before y’all even go out, you don’t HAVE to go out with him. You’ve been on the app, there are plenty more swipes in the beehive.
THREE – Be who you are. Even if you really like someone and you want them to like you back just as much, at the end of the day you have to ask yourself – is this who I am and is this someone I could end up with? If your answers are no then you know what to do.
FOUR – Take NWA’s advice & Express Yourself while also respecting yourself.
I’ll end on this note – the takeaway from this post today shouldn’t be ‘don’t ever try dating apps.’ The takeaways should be A – if you are single and in your upper twenties (or any age really) you are okay. Don’t panic! Just do you for a while and go after what you want. B – give dating apps a try if you’ve been thinking about trying one or taking one serious – just do it!
I hope y’all enjoyed today’s post since it is a little out of the ordinary compared to my typical posts. Leave a comment below and let me know what y’all think AND if you’ve had any interested dating app experiences, tell me about them!
Have a great & safe Monday!